I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
it was a whole new experience in the world of ball fondling
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
You'd love her. She's outspoken like us. And appreciates a big penis and a strong drink.
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
Randomize
