non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this.
Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls.
Which beats the fuck out of good intentions.
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I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
i dont even know how to be here
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
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Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
I just look at my butt and see so much potential.
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
After we fucked we sat in bed and watched Charlie St. Cloud and he fed me ice cream. It was probably the most romantic thing I've ever done.
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