if you come down to my room ill tell you a secret
i cvme to yuor rooom...wherer are youf?
please be gone before i get back
At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
Randomize
