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She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
It's Been clinically proven that people who have sex 6 or more times per week are happier than those who don't. Just and FYI. For your mental health. From a soon so be psychologist. Who is drunk.
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
Just fyi i'm now butt naked in a steam room smoking a bong in some guys house. i sense the weed penetrating my pores.
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
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