he came faster then a bring it on movie goes to dvd
i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
Randomize
