no it's cool...i'm just drinking and studying...cool night
so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
He lives 20 minutes away driving distance and decided to walk. I talked to him today and he took a nap along the way... In a cemetery.
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
Randomize
