ur penis kinda felt like a vagina to me
I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
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