Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
hey, i didnt think i could be this stupid either but you dont see ME getting all judgemental about it
Randomize
