Is it 'vaginas' or 'vaginae?'. Either way there were a shit ton of them.
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
EW HE JUST SNAPPED ME A NUDE BUT HE CENSORED HIS DICK BY COLORING IT I DID NOT ASK FOR THIS
I AM AT THE LOUNGE WHERE THEY FILMED THE LAP DANCE IN SHOWGIRLS....IT IS AMAZING
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
I’m a go ahead and fuck down ATL. So when I leave in January I’ll have no regrets.
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
Randomize
