Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
i just added your friend Valery on the FB just to comment on your tits.... thought id give you a heads up
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
He's easy on the eyes, light on his feet, and rough in bed...what more could a girl ask for in a rebound?
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
Randomize
