I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
And the cops told us we were all naked.
KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
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