and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
Hhhaaa He said Peanutburter disinfect lol. Like peanut butter can disinfect stuff. None of those guys are safe
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
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