We've got 2 weeks of college left-I want to feel like Gary Busey by graduation.
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
She was touching herself and looking a shoes online. My debt is bad enough without bringing that hot mess into my life.
Hot freshmen.....hot freshmen chicks everywhere
You say this every welcome week, bro.
Alive.
So much puke
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
I have already put on my inside pants.
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
Randomize
