I have all these new brothers and sisters I'm just now finding out about
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
Randomize
