Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
Randomize
