i don't know how boys match. i think shoes & belt are the only thing. it doesn't matter. i just know if they look stupid.
I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
Randomize
