Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
It starts with an S and ends with arah just gave me a bj.
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
That guy has been pretty randomly in and out of my vagina for 4 years...I don't think I'm required to tell him when I'm dating.
Good point.
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
Randomize
