I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
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