youre lurking in front of me
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I guess you could say that.. I mean, we did walk in on our DD doing a keg stand thru her ass.
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
I'm ne vrr drinkjng againnnnnnnn dforeal.
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
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