he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
I remember sucking his bleeding finger and then it's all black until he had his hand down my pants.
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
Randomize
