im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
Ahh good point. I got some interesting mental pics and I'm slowly entering a "fuck it, lets do weird shit" phase sexually, but you may have already figured that out since I've been fucking you sideways and upside down a lot lately.
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
And he put my hair in my clip while i blew him...and he did a good job
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
Randomize
