i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
I met the nicest Tranny last night. He/She loves Cheetos.
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
I've had my dick out in public way too much for someone my age...
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
Randomize
