If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
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