At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
I have been thinking about it and I am really glad we decided to order helmets.
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
just googled chastity belt to see if it really exist..
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Just puked most of my soul out..
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
Randomize
