Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
Wow. 8.8 earthquake hit Chile this morning
didn't feel it. :)
It's like 5 thousand miles away of course you didn't.
wait what? so it's not in america?
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
Im not gonna remember this tomorrow but the real money is in coke i wanna get a dark wood desk and cell coke then i can own taco bell and the xxl chalupa will be mine
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
Randomize
