I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
A letter to the campus apologizing for being sucha cunt with a picture of her head on it. All posted around campus.
Found out that it IS actually possible to get road head from somebody in the back seat
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
Two of my dealers just made friends at this party. Do you think one will be pissed if I buy from the other or should I just go 50/50?
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
Randomize
