Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
Check Facebook. Random dude tagged us in photos from last night dancing at Denny's while eating a sampler platter. 1. How does he have our names, and 2. You said we ate at Tbell.
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
Lol I think I might have been a little aggressive last night there is a blue ass print from your jeans on my wall
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
Randomize
