just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
Haga you didnt jbsii whee wu an therer
Party on wayne
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
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