Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
His wife made me pancakes and let me borrow a clean shirt. Should I drop his class or use this to my advantage
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
Randomize
