Christians are straight up FREAKS
i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
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