There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
does doing it on an automatic sink count as shower sex?
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
How was it?
i think i smell bacon but im to sore to walk downstairs. that kinda night
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
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