I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
thats because you have standards... and i have a thing for guys that give me free drugs.
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
I was just too high to be in rapids man. I just screamed for the entire time I was jostling about.
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
see that vagina ? that vagina means business
Steve brought 6 joints and 2 bottles of makers mark, Josh shat himself in the pool, and Amy blew me. Hope that extra 3 dollars an hour for working overnights is still worth it.
Please keep in mind you are asking relationship advice from a girl who fucked a guy just because we have the same name. Just keep that in mind.
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
Randomize
