I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
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was it good sex?
i mean it was good for how drunk we were. and for how big the closet was
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
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That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
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