We won't sleep together?
is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
I'm going to try to ignore the homoerotic subtext in that last question...
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
Randomize
