I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
Randomize
