And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
Randomize
