he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
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