70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
Can you confirm that Victor fucked a girl for Jack in the Box tacos?
I cannot, but I know he fucked a girl for a Nerf hoop and a "Kingpin" dvd.
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
My vagina senses are tingling. I know your here.
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
The language barrier was annoying .... So we just had sex. That is how you deal with not being able to chat isn't it???
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
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