I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
At the hair cuttery. A father here with his daughter just answered his phone "ken's whorehouse"...Now I remember why I used to pay more for haircuts.
He told me they were just razor bumps!
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
RIGHT?!?! I'M ACTUALLY UPSET I DON'T GET TO MAKE THE 2.3 MILE TREK TO SUCK HIS COCK, yes I google earthed it.
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
Randomize
