I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
I wouldn't necessarily say I'm in her pants...I'd say I'm more on the on ramp to the freeway to the long way to her pants. There really isn't a short cut.
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.
i believe in u and ur pee
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
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