Ikea night.
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Insert tab A into swedish slot B
You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
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