I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
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