Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
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