glad you had fun, i did too. am rubbing aloe on my butt now.
so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
Can I get high for this class every tuesday? Its like a multi-sensory carnival acid trip.
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
Randomize
