dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
i screwed him while his gf was puking in the shower. 2011 is looking up already
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
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There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
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We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
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