When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
Nvm, he just almost drank his drink from last night, his drink that has the condom in it. Kinda answers my question.
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
I just fuked with kevins application and made it say that he does conjugal visits for community service
hey some people donate their time while apparently kevin donates his body
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
Randomize
