She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
Randomize
