I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening.
Just saw the german running around on campus. Thought of his small penis.
As you should.
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
Hahaha more like walk of pride. You entered the lions den last night.
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
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