So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
All of her cloths were on our coffee table this morning. The only things she left with last night were her shoes and Scott
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
Randomize
