i just realized why god gave us younger siblings....to DD for us when we come home for the summers
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
If we go out with the 22/23 year olds we should make t a double date. I don't want to endure the judging looks of the public as I rob the cradle alone.
You were holding up a boot and yelling boot gang
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
Randomize
