Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
Yes, do intervene. Unless it involves cowboys with loud trucks and hard 9 inch dicks. Then just come back for me in the morning.
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
I don't know but someone, somewhere gave someone a hand job and someone else was pissed about it...
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
Can you cover for me after lunch? I’ve never seen a guy who cums as much as my new Side Dick so now I need to clean the house before my husband gets home
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
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