You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
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Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
NOTHING IN THE WORLD IS GOOD SOFT
NOT ICECREAM NOT DICKS
NOTHING
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I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
I wish I had a picture of me and ron helping that stripper lick her own vagina
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
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