We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
it was 6 in the morning, and you cried until i put mulan in. then you proceeded to say every word, not to mention sing along... stop drinking.
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
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