they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!
so high. i feel like my whole body is a boner
I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
I just masterbated while imagining him getting hit by a truck. I have hit a completely unacceptable level of anger & bitterness. Help.
you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
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