i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
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