yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
Randomize