My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
love makes seman taste better
just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
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