Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
But if you were going to pour a liquid on your naked body in fall its definitely pumpkin inspired something.
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
Randomize
