shes trying to light up her bowl in front of the fan. everytime it blows it out she just gives it a dirty look.
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
i just added your friend Valery on the FB just to comment on your tits.... thought id give you a heads up
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
Randomize
