That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
If I die, sorry about rent.
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
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