if one more of _____'s family tells me "you're next" i'm going to shoot myself. Thank god for gin (most protestant phrase ever at the most Jewish wedding ever)
Ask for a julep and start talking about how you much prefer the uncircumsized peen. that should probably stop them.
that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
I HAVE FLAVORED BLOW. THIS SHOULD NOT EXISIT.
does it still count as break up sex if it's 4 months later? sorry i'm just looking for an excuse to fuck him.
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
WHY IS SHE PANDERING YOU, A SIMPLE GOBLIN, TINY WEENER PICTURES OVER STATE LINES
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
Randomize
