no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
A big toe in my vag is not foreplay.
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
Randomize
