My milkshake brings 85 to 90 percent of the boys to the yard
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
Randomize
