READY
for what?
TO HAVE SEXXXX
i think you have the wrong number
Nipple clamps can be ambiguous
last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
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