I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
Did you not learn anything for "HERPES SCARE 2010".........
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
Randomize
