The maid of honor just puked.
I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
He looks like he'd be great Lego character.
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
Randomize
