From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
I havnt been this mad since the coche de Los murtos incident
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
Randomize
