I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
After going down on me he either said "there, it's over" or "there's an odor"... I couldn't hear him and was too embarrassed to ask him to repeat himself. I just got dressed, grabbed my bag, and left. So I don't think there's gunna be a second date. =(
Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
she broke the sink..i repeat the sink is off the wall. send help
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
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