Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
Do fat girls normaly have fat that look like a penis by their pussy?
What the hell did you do last night?!
Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
Robbie told me you spent 10 mins discussing the curl in his hair and that you said "with that curl in your hair, you'll go far"
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
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