your thong is hanging out like whoa
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
it's like heaven, but drunker
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
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